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Men Under Emotional Abuse.

Posted by Petro Rose on July 1, 2010 at 12:00 AM

Hello Internet. Sorry for disappearing for so long but I had many issues and was working on a Project to make sure that I get rid of it. I have lived it for 2 Years and now I have been working for almost a month, Created 15 Pages of script, 2,5 Hours of Raw footage, weeks of isolation in the house and over 90hrs of day to night editing I present you my Video Series about Men Under Emotional Abuse.


Part 1 (symptoms & explanations)

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Hello. Today I’m going to talk about a very serious topic. This is mainly directed towards men who are under emotionally abusive relationships but if you are not I still highly recommend you watch this video because of its educational value and the fact that most of what I say can apply the other way around too.

In this part I will be giving the basic signs of an emotionally abusive relationship . So lets begin.Are you in a relationship which you don’t feel any happiness left in you?

Do you feel hurt every day?

Has your physical and emotional condition only gone towards the worst?

Does your partner resemble nothing to the woman you once fell so much in love with, frustrated with the hope of her once returning but failing to happen?

If only these small symptoms apply to you then you are at high risk of being in a emotionally abusive relationship. The symptoms are immense but they all revolve around similar principles. If you already are in such a relationship then you know what I mean.

40% Of abusive relationship reports are from men but many cases of abuse are not reported and remain hidden. If they were reported they could have reached up to 50%.

The possibility of a man becoming a victim of abuse in a relationship is just as easy as a woman to.

Let me explain some more symptoms for you.

Do you have the feeling of “walking on eggshells” to keep her from getting angry and are frightened by her temper?

Stop seeing other friends or family or even give up activities you enjoy because she doesn’t like them

Have you become afraid to tell her your worries and feelings about the relationship?

Are you often compliant because you are afraid to hurt her feelings and have the urge to “rescue” her when she is troubled?

Stop expressing opinions if she doesn’t agree with them. While staying because you feel that she will kill herself or give up in life if you leave.

Find yourself apologizing to yourself or others for your partners behavior when you are treated badly.

Is she limiting your freedom until it doesn’t exist any more?

Believe the critical things she says to make you feel bad about yourself?

Believe that there is something wrong with you if you don’t enjoy the sexual things she makes you do?

Have you been kicked,shoved, have had things thrown at you or even had you injuries been on purposely attacked by her when she was jealous or angry?

Forcing you to accept ideas and behavior that oppose your own?

Asking you to do unpleasant or humiliating actions?

Believe that her jealousy is a sign of love?

Using you for personal advantage.

Feel like you cannot live without her.

Feel that you are the only one who can help her and that you should try to “reform” her.

There are also physical and mental symptoms of emotional abuse.

9- Lack of energy & motivation

8- Losing the ability to laugh

7- Weight changes depending on eating habits during depression

6- Dark circles caused by stress

5- Wrinkles & fine lines

4- Puffy eyes caused by crying

3- Difficulty of concentration & making decisions

2- Hair loss if there’s a sleep or diet related issue

1- Being a Prisoner of your thoughts & fears.

Other Popular Phrases and behavioral patters are:

Telling you such things like “You made me Mad. You provoked me. You made me do it.”

I only have your best interest at heart

For a smart person, you sure do some stupid things.

You’d be a lot nicer if you weren’t such a bastard

This hurts me more than it hurts you

I’m only doing this for your own good

I’d treat you better if you just tried harder

I cant live without you

You’re bad, You’re worthless, you’re ugly

No one will ever love you but me

Your parents/friends wouldn’t understand what we have

You’re going to be the death of me

only true “Friends” can be like this

Does your partner undermine your self-esteem and deliver you mixed messages?

Its like pushing you through a cliff and running down to catch you

Your partner can humiliate you by ignoring you

Your partner tells you that she “loves” you, or you are special, but she needs an open relationship.

Through intellectual and manipulative mind games abusers tend to play the victim or take the offense quickly.

They invariably put the blame on others or on the world or on their luck or situation.

They accuse their partners of not understanding them or their needs creating a sense of lack of sensitivity on your part

Abusers are extremely possessive and jealous

They need to control other peoples lives but will never show it.

They will pretend what you do with your life is none of their business.

Abusers may be described as having a dual personality, they are either charming or exceptionally cruel.

A major characteristic of abusers is their capacity to deceive others. They can be cool, calm, charming and convincing: a true con person.

Most of the time they also deceive themselves .They are unable or choose not to see reality as it is.

Emotional abusers do not acknowledge the harm they cause.

Some people abuse others emotionally because thats what they learned.

They were victims of emotional abuse and neglect themselves.

But the worse problem About emotional abuse is the fact that many people let others abuse them.

Till now you can see how vast and damaging emotional abuse can be. Knowing the basic signs of emotional abuse can help to either diagnose if you are in an abusive relationship or to help you detect the signs of an abuser in order to avoid becoming a victim.

Now in order to avoid and keep an eye out for an abuser when you are looking for a partner or when you are in a new relationship, keep some of these characteristics of emotional abusers in mind.

They are attractive people

Rarely to apologize but makes you apologize for things you had no control over

Makes you feel like a Bad Person, filling you with guilt

Chronic Liars, manipulative and Flirtatious with others even while in a relationship.

They always brag about their previous relationships and about how bad they would treat them using excuses such as “I didn’t care about them.” , “I didn’t Love them” or “ I wasn’t in Love with them but I am with you”

Angry, easily Frustrated

Mostly raised in a divorced family or damaged environment

had a life crisis in an early age

Constantly tests your nerves

NEVER EVER blame themselves.

Controlling.

They don’t respect your feelings-point of view or what you do.

Don’t respect your Boundaries.

Always making excuses for their acts.

Don’t respect others especially who they abuse.

Extremely Negative.

Almost never provide your needs.

Mostly they are Drinkers, smokers & Drug addicts.

They make you think you need them.

An abuser will make you feel weak desperate, sad, controlled, lonely, powerless, desire free, DAMAGED.

Now that I have walked you though the basic signs of emotional abuse now I believe that its time to move on to part 2.

 


Part 2 (The Abuser)

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Abuse and violence are behaviors chosen by a woman to cause physical, sexual, or emotional damage and worry or fear. Women who behave this way are often promiscuous, selfish, and narcissistic. Such a woman uses her moods, rage, and impulses to control the people around her and she is not satisfied until they have noticed her. These women choose deceit, fury, and assault to get their own way and then revels in the addicting exhilarating emotional unrest they create. Others, more insidiously, present a personable public image to conceal their true character and behavior.

These women lie, connive, and extort. To insult and humiliate their partner, some argue and use offensive language in the presence of others including their children. Many steal or destroy their partner’s possessions. These women are driven by jealousy and view others as rivals. They treat their partners as possessions and strive to isolate them from friends and family.

Many abusive women falsely accuse their partners of infidelity while they have affairs. These women often abuse children or animals. Nearly all exhibit erratic mood changes, feign illnesses or injuries, and most are practiced actresses. They are not sick; they play the triple roles of a terrorist, tyrant, and victim.

At some point, she will falsely accuse her partner of a crime. Now the domestic violence accusation has become the woman’s weapon of choice. Domestic violence is so easy to fabricate and these women crave the pleasure that comes from destroying their partner.

People who have experienced an abusive relationship often experience fear or shame or bewilderment. They have tried everything and nothing works. These people have found themselves not knowing what will happen next, riding on an emotional roller coaster that they cannot escape. Most are sad, depressed, humiliated, and just plain exhausted. Many have lost everything they had in the world and are worried about their future. However, these women have no limits. Their outrageous behavior escalates to unbelievable levels and so, no one believes the victim.

US Mental health authorities recognize ten personality disorders with considerable overlap between them. Diagnosis is by the exclusion comparable disorders. Many feel that five of these disorders (Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic, Histrionic, and Paranoid) play a significant role in abusive relationships.For an example, a common trait in narcissists is that they lie, take advantage of others to achieve their own end, and their public and private dispositions are very different. So some therapists might not recognize a narcissist. Narcissists rarely seek treatment. They believe that they are always right and so are extremely resistant to treatment.  People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be very abusive and violent.

One of the first signs men notice is the sense of foreboding. However, other men report that the relationship with their partner was normal and uneventful until one day when she became arrogant, selfish, argumentative, and mean.  Some men have reported their partner’s behavior changed abruptly after the first incident of abusive behavior. Other men reported that the behavior of their partner gradually changed for the worse over time. Women have reported similar behaviors in male and female partners.

The following list will be talking about behavioral traits of an abusive person. Most abusive individuals exhibit three or more of these behavioral traits and they are repetitive. This is not the full list since it mentions traits that apply to married couples with children or couples who live together. Those traits didn’t apply to me so I excluded them and emotionally abusive marriages is a topic of its own. If you want to see the complete, detailed list go to the sub-bar and follow the link.

1.Makes False partner abuse charges

2.Falsely applies for a restraining order

3.feigns helplessness or illnesses

4.false or self-inflicted injuries. Such as cutting,burning, bruising or braking

5.Unsuccessful Suicide attempts

6.Threatens Suicide

7.Engages in unlawful activity

8.Bruises Easily. Some people bruise or bleed easily than others. The cause of this phenomenon involves genetics, gender, body build, age and occupation. Thats why those who exhibit these symptoms should see a physician.

9.Abuses blood thinners. It can be the true cause of bruising or bleeding, especially in the context of domestic violence or divorce.

10.Uses illegal substances.

11.Flirts seductively with others in public.

12.Adulterous or makes false accusations of adultery.

13.Sexual battery (groin attacks etc.)

14.Initiates unwanted sexual advances.

15.Constant nagging or yammering.

16.Repeated questioning.

17.Exaggerated sense of entitlement.

18.Exaggerated Sense of Self-Importance.

19.Isolates you from Family and Friends.

20.Makes disparaging remarks about you.

21.Disparages your Relatives.

22.Disparages your Friends.

23.Tries to ruin your employment.

24.Prevents you from Sleeping.

25.Causes you to be chronically late.

26.Repetitively calls you at your place of work.

27.Violates your privacy and meddles with your private matters.

28.Intercepts, steals or opens your mail.

29.Withholds or hides your possessions or medications.

30.Steals or destroys your possessions.

31.Tracks your mileage, time and money.

32.Steals from your private money and accounts.

33.Forges your signature.

34.Contrasting public and private behavior.

35.Kills or tortures pets.

36.Treats you as a slave.

37.Denies their own abusive behavior.

38.Coercion by threats or action.

39.Threatens to leave or orders you to leave.

40.Uses others to assault or batter you.

41.Threatens to call Police if you do not obey.

42.Repeated attacks on your sense of worth.

43.Chronic rage or Anger.

44.Stalking. Not only physically but also virtually on-line.

45.Pouts and sulks often for long intervals when they don’t get their way.

46.They are accomplished Actresses.

47.Seeks to control everything and everyone.

48.Engages in melodramatic behavior.

49.Chronic Lying and guile.

50.Erratic mood swings.

51.Chronic binges on food.

52.Uses several names, ages or birthdays.

53.Causes physical and emotional battery.

54.Causes public humiliation often threatens to get their own way.

55.Blames you for their behavior.

56.Makes public scenes.

57.Embarrassing public behavior.

58.Selfish and arrogant.

59.Ascribes their own conduct, ideas and impulses to you. Such psychological phenomena is called “Projection”.It applies when the person does it unconsciously. If the person does it willfully then it is abuse and not projection.

60.The “If I cant have you, no one will” mentality.

61.Treats others with contempt.

62.Hostility while in any form of transportation.

63.Lacks Genuine remorse

Even without explaining much I know that you will be able to come with many examples from your personal experiences. My previous relationship exhibited 52 of the 63 Behaviors in the list.

Thank you for watching part 2. Click on the video on the side to see part 3 which talks about the Victim. Also go to the under-bar and check full articles and videos.



Part 3 (The Victim)

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The impact of abuse varies considerably among individuals and researchers and other professionals often dismiss the impact of threats and insults. Many attribute diarrhea, trembling, nausea and vomiting to other causes.  Sometimes the anticipation of pain or anguish causes these reactions.  That anticipation is a result of prior abuse.

We all experience a wide range of emotions but abusive women use their moods, impulses, fury, and assault to get their own way and control family members. These women revel in the unrest they create. Your sense of worth and of having rights and choices can become eroded by constant abuse.  Remember that all forms of abuse, especially threats, are aimed at affecting the target’s emotional state.  Emotional abuse can be just as devastating as physical abuse.

Many victims have become so conditioned to the tormentor’s behavior and personality that they cannot function without the abusing party. Tormentors often engage in psychological warfare to confuse thinking and undermine the self-worth of their victims. They can force their victims to admit to something they did not do or did not happen. The effect is so profound, the victim comes to believe in the truth of their false admission and often experiences anguish and seeks the tormentor’s  forgiveness. People trapped in these relationships have become dependent upon the abuser and are unable to leave the abusive relationship. This psychological condition is Called “The Stockholm Syndrome.”

When a person chooses abuse or is violent toward their partner, their behavior often causes physical, sexual, or emotional damage. Many who have been exposed to abuse exhibit physical signs of stress and may have one or more anxiety disorders (such as panic attacks).

Now I will give you a list of Symptoms of the emotionally abused victim. Just like the Abusers behavior traits list just three symptoms that are continuous are enough to prove that you are a victim.1.Can be afraid to tell anyone.

2.Can be ashamed that they failed as a person.

3.Can be concerned about further abuse or violence.

4.Have developed skin lesions.

5.Can experience panic attacks or symptoms of PTSD.

6.Can become dispirited and frustrated.

7.Can feel guilt about leaving their partner.

8.Can believe that they have done something to deserve it.

9.Can feel that no one will believe them.

10.Can feel sadness or depression.

11.Can feel humiliation or anger.

12.Are worried about their financial security.

13.Worry about their home and belongings.

14.Can not live at home in peace.

15.Often have meals away from home.

16.Endure depression.

17.Have distrust of others.

18.Sense emptiness.

19.Can have flashbacks.

20.Can exhibit intensified vigilance.

21.Can exhibit increased irritability.

22.Can develop insomnia. Not being able to sleep.

23.Feel listless.

24.Can have loss of appetite.

25.Can have loss of sexual desire.

26.Can have many medical complaints.

27.Can have memory problems.

28.Can have nightmares.

29.Can have precognition. The perception of an event before it occurs.

30.Can have pseudo (ghost) pains.

31.Can feel the sense of helplessness.

32.Can exhibit social withdrawal.

33.Can exhibit shakes or tremors.

34.Can exhibit an inability to concentrate.

35.Can have diarrhea.

36.Can have nausea and vomiting.

37.Can have an amplified startle response.

38.Can have amplified senses.

39.Can have unexplained weight gain or loss.

40.Can experience recurrent headaches.

41.Can become substance dependent.

42.Can resent those who have harmed them.

As amazing as it may sound, out of the 42 symptoms, I have exhibited 42 of them

 


 

Part 4 (How to stop the abuse)

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Welcome to the forth and final part of my video series about emotional abuse. Now that we have talked about all the symptoms and signs of the abuser and the victim, now its time to talk about how to end the abuse.

I will only talk about how to stop abuse if you are not married and have no children involved. Abusive Marriages should be kept for another time, they are very complicated and its best to create a video just for it. If you want me to make a video about abusive marriages comment or email me telling me so.

The First and most important step you have to take is to Terminate The Relationship. You have literally reached the point of no return, such problems just cannot be fixed.

They are very persistent to get what they want, so they will constantly hunt you down until you fall to your knees and become their victim again. You might have even suggested breaking up in the past or even ran away. Eventually when they find you and speak to you they manage to make you feel guilty,bad and that you did wrong to leave all along, resulting you to come back. In the beginning everything feels great, but after a very short period of time you start to notice all the old habits coming back. Then you feel like you are doomed and back to square one.

This time make it permanent and avoid any opportunity of communication with her. Avoid messages, phone calls, conversations,visitations,reconciliation or appeasements from her. This acceptance only bolsters a womans belief that they remain in control of their partner.

If they continue to chase you or harass you with messages and phone calls, change your phone number and block their number. They will tend to stalk you so they can find an opening and corner you. If you end up even being afraid of staying in your house or drive in the street then go and get a restraining order.

Apart from physical stalking there is also on-line stalking. Delete and block them from every single site you are connected with. From social networks to email addresses.

You have to get rid of everything that has to do with them. If you have any belongings of hers in your house, collect them and give them to a mutual friend so they can give it to her. Also, any gifts, photos or anything that reminds you of her, get rid of it. Either throw it all away or put them all in a box and wrap it with a ton of tape so you will not be able to open it and hide it. So you can always remind yourself to never get into such a relationship again.You are now trying to get over trauma so there will be many post traumatic stress. So try and keep her as much out of your life as possible. Most possibly there is a chance that you will loose some mutual friends. Either because they took the side of the abuser or because the abuser will always be around in the group.

Also you might feel awkward when you hear her name even if it doesn’t have to do with the specific person. Other similar issues you will find with people who resemble her, wear same perfume same car etc.

Try and keep her out of as many conversations with friends or family. Even just a reference can bring you down for a long time. A very important factor is to stay emotionally strong. As soon as you let guilt and emotional trauma get over you then you will never get out.

Go find your friends again, start meeting new people and do whatever makes you happy. Start your life the way you want it because its In your hands now. Go do whatever you used to do that became taboo for no reason at all. LIVE!

Also a piece of advise to never forget. Love is NOT about pain!

Thank you for watching my series about Men under emotional abuse. If you want more details don’t be afraid to ask .

Thank you and may you have an amazing day.

Here are some Sources which i found very interesting material.


http://home.earthlink.net/~elnunes/soa.htm


http://home.earthlink.net/~elnunes/abuse.htm


http://www.youtube.com/user/TheEmotionalAbuse


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome

 


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13 Comments

Reply toto
5:29 PM on May 1, 2011 
Hello,

thanks a lot for these videos. I am right now in a relationship under emotional abuse, my relationship exhibits 45/63 symptoms of the abuser and 27/42 for the victim. This will help me find courage to get out of this!

Thanks again.
Reply Chris
1:41 AM on October 20, 2011 
Thank you. Your videos are really helpful I have a friend who had been married for 35 years. He had been abused by his estranged wife for years. Although he decided to divorce with him few years ago, he found he could not handle it. When he check the above list or the check list of emotional blackmail or emotional manipulation, he found he had all the symptoms and had more symptom beyond the lists. Even after separation, the abuser still could controlled him and gave him duress. He had such a fear of being blamed and punish by her or the adult kids (she turned them to believe him the one to be blamed), that he could not move on his life. He could not go back either since that was too painful. Financially he was in crisis, so makes him hard to seek paid consultation. He was trapped although he learned all these, but he had not energy, courage, strength and ability to move on. How can help him? Who can help him?
Reply Raj
11:39 AM on December 18, 2012 
Hi Bro.
Appreciate for making this video. I myself too lived in a Abusive relation for about 12 Years and most of the teachings in your video is 100% accurate. Thanks for bringing it up so much of clarity to the viewers which will for sure be of a blessing. May God continue to bless you and use you as a blessing in the lives of many.
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